Corrie Lynne Player

Player Family, the Oldsters, Adventures

2010-09-08T19:47:00.000-07:00

NOW, HERE’S MOM AT THE KEYBOARD.

Dad and I woke Roch up this morning to sing “Happy Birthday” to him over the phone. He’d come in from Texas on Friday and spent a very busy Saturday, yesterday. So, we hope he was able to relax and enjoy his special day. We celebrated with him last Sunday at his house. Sherene’s folks were there, too, as were Aunt Arlene, Teressa, and Brandon. Uncle Chuck is in Louisiana–actually, I think he’s flying home today. He’s been gone for a couple of weeks.

Sadie’s baptism was lovely–we enjoyed a packed three days, starting with a beautiful hike on Friday afternoon to ice caves in the Cascades. Arlene put on a king salmon feast for everybody at Lake Connor Park for dinner that night. We roasted marshmallows and made ‘smores, too. Arlene and I had a bit of pampering and shopping on Saturday morning (hairdo for me and pedicure/manicure for her). Then we had a girls’ luncheon at the Cabbage Patch House in Snohomish (where we’d gone for Clarissa’s baptism luncheon, too).

Sadie and eight other children were baptized in their stake at 5:00. Sherene led the music, and she and her mother made a wonderful dessert which was served in the Nursery room after Sadie’s confirmation by her daddy, assisted by both grandpas and several good friends. Sunday was full and lovely, too. Sadie was introduced to the ward in Sacrament meeting; it was inspirational to see her solemn efforts to be grown up and reverent. Sherene spoke on building reservoirs of spiritual strength to get through the tough times that come to all of us. She bore her testimony about making it through the death of her younger brother, followed by the loss of their baby son. Lots of moist eyes in the audience.

Dad and I thoroughly enjoyed visits with Sherene’s parents, as well as one-on-one time with all four girls. I especially loved rubbing their feet and singing Winken, Blinken, and Nod each night.

We took three days and two nights to get home, which was relaxing, sort of!

Sherri, Jon, and the kids came over for pancakes this afternoon. It felt kind of empty without Dolly and Roland’s family–I’m still adjusting to not having them next door. And I’m still looking for them between meetings at Church. Sherri said she talked to Dolly yesterday (?) and Dolly has Strep. Not a fun way to enjoy the last holiday weekend of summer!

Sherri has a bad cold she’s trying to keep from escalating like it did last year. Her friend, who’s a respiratory therapist, is making sure she can get through until she can see the doctor on Tuesday. Dad and Jon gave her a priesthood blessing while they were here.

Today was a bit teary for me, as it’s been just one year since Grandma Gwynne slipped through the veil. I hope you’ve all received your letter from me with the six columns I’ve written over this year

Jonny and Abe are coming over tomorrow morning to wrangle some boxes and stuff (like Grandma Gwynne’s wheel chair and walker) to the storage. I’m clearing out and rearranging rooms in the basement for the couple who are moving in on Sept. 15. Marlayna and David Sheeran were one of the dozen couples who responded to my ad at the Cedar City LDS employment website. I think a couple will work better than a single woman for our needs at this stage of our lives. We need someone living in the house, rather than checking on it. And the Sheeran’s have already started showing how great they will be.

David works for Ben Lamoreaux as an engineer and Marlayna will be starting as an assistant manager at DI (the general manager is in our ward). Both of them had amazing references. But the best reference was the powerful witness of the Spirit during their first interview. I’ve learned from hiring people over the past decade or two that I have to define the job clearly and match it with those who apply. And I have to rely on personal revelation, instead of wishful thinking!

As Dad said, we got home Thursday night and must leave again this coming Thursday. Dave and Marlayna will actually move in while we’re gone, which is another reason I have so much to do before we depart. I’m giving a talk to a group of Lutheran ladies on Sept. 24 and I’m doing four workshops/presentations in Grand Junction WY on October 8-10 (they’re paying my travel and expenses, so I’ll be flying out on October 7 and back the afternoon of the 10th).

Dad will be playing in Parowan tomorrow night at the closing day of the Iron County Fair. He played Friday afternoon, too, but I stayed home to shovel out the mail and work on laundry. But I’ll go with him tomorrow.

Hmmm, just talking about what I have to do in this brief stop at home stresses me. But Dad (and the bicycle shop) repaired my exercise machine yesterday, so I’ll be able to work off some of that stress.

I’m so grateful for the Sabbath, a day when I can recharge depleted, aging batteries. And I’m grateful for covenants with my Heavenly Father and Savior, Jesus Christ. No matter how crazy the world gets, I can feel peace. I don’t have to worry about things I can’t change.

September 6, 2010

I’m finishing this up and getting it out, before another two weeks whiz by!

Jon brought Jonny and Abe over and they took care of everything I needed to be done. The guest room off Dad’s office is now ready with three beds and two dressers! The upstairs guest rooms are also ready.

Jonny found a tiny black kitten near the storage shed and Abe really wanted to keep it. It was skin and bones and had probably been without its mother for several days. But there was no way it could even be near Sherri right now, even in the garage, because the dander would come in on Abe’s clothes. I was tempted, but we’re traveling too much. So, Abe took it back to where Jonny found it.

Dad is taking a brief nap before we head out to the fair and his performance. And I was able to ride 10.5 miles on my bike today–I’m glad I didn’t lose too much ground.

And I’m signing off!

Trying to get organized

2010-09-08T19:41:00.000-07:00

Trying to figure out how to post--and not getting very far. I did copy and paste a column that I wrote for the one year anniversary of my mom's death. Now I want to just add some updates on what's going on with me and I can't get this stupid computer to quit underlining. That happened once before and Dolly fixed it. I guess it's better than the blank pages I made yesterday.

Patience is a virtue I need to cultivate!

2010-09-08T19:36:00.000-07:00

I think “cultivating patience” is important in this world of increasing impatience, incivility, and down-right nastiness.

Patience is a virtue, one which refines the spirit. It builds inner strength and enhances relationships. Although it’s a virtue I try to cultivate, I have a long way to go toward making it part of my character! For example, as I was cleaning out my files, I found the following journal entry. I wrote it a year ago during my mother’s last illness.

Last night I took Mama to the bathroom at 11:30 and was in bed by midnight. Then, my intercom phone jolted me out of a sound sleep about 2:00 a.m. Mama said, “I’m peeing, what should I do?”

I heaved a huge sigh and stumbled downstairs.

I said, “You have heavy pads on–so I don’t have to get up with you every two hours!” I was irritated and spoke sharply to her. She hung her head, saying, “I’m sorry. Shall I just go back to sleep?”

Still irritated, I told her to get up, “now that I’m standing here,” and marched her into the bathroom. My anger was evident, and I’m sure she felt it. As she sat on the toilet, she pulled off the top pad. I gave her another and I told her to count how many she had altogether (4). Then I asked her how many she wore during the day when she went potty every two hours (1).

I need to apologize for my impatience and reassure her that I love her and am glad she’s living with me. No matter how difficult, I shouldn’t let my tired body dictate how I treat my mother.
As I read those words, I cried, because Mama no longer calls me at 2:00 a.m; I can sleep through the night without interruption. I wish I could go back and change my irritated response, but I can’t. I can’t even change what I said or did five minutes ago.

The years of caring for Mama have ended and I’m at a different place in my life. I’ve learned that expressing impatience or other negative emotions to my family is hurtful, for them and for me. I’m learning that I must turn such feelings over to my Savior, Jesus Christ. He will accept them, heal my heart, and help me control myself. I don’t have to endure pain and guilt for something I truly regret.

Like some folks, you might think that anger, irritation, annoyance, etc. shouldn’t be suppressed or they’ll make you sick. Such emotions can, over time, cause depression, anxiety, and other physical or mental illnesses–which is why I advocate that you turn your sorrows over to God and his Son.

Placing your burdens at His feet involves a whole lot more that wanting the pain to go away, however. It takes prayer, study, and work, turning outside yourself and reaching out to others who need solace and service. Take a deep breath, pray for the strength to curb your tongue, and acknowledge your complete dependence on and need for help from Above.

Mother's Day Memories

2010-04-16T13:51:00.000-07:00

Mother’s Day 2010 will be a bitter-sweet day for me, because it will be the first without my own mother. As you, my readers and friends, know, I’m dealing with my grief over Mama’s death by writing about her as each “first” holiday approaches.
Mama was quite a woman. She and my father homesteaded in Alaska in 1947. They packed three little kids ages four, three, and one, into an army surplus jeep towing a luggage trailer and headed out. I remember my father’s mother standing beside the jeep, crying so hard the front of her dress was soaked. Everybody thought they were crazy.
From that point on, Mama’s life was an adventure. The description of her homesteading years are a step back into the 19th Century. The only convenience she enjoyed beyond what the pioneers had was the jeep. She chopped wood, washed clothes on a scrub board, shot game, and read by kerosene light. She helped Daddy build a dirt floor log cabin with a sod roof. An old sourdough knew that cabin was no place for a pregnant woman and three little kids, so he loaned my folks a cottage in Copper Center, a trading post about 25 miles from our homestead.
The house flooded in February because of ice jams and we moved into the Copper Center Roadhouse, where Daddy worked as the cook. Mama had to go 200 miles away to the nearest doctor to have my baby brother. In the spring, we moved back to the homestead. Our community’s first school was held on the front porch of our cabin.
Widowed at the age of 30, Mama was left to raise four children by herself, until she met my stepfather who helped her finish the job. Gene, with his snowy hair and beard, rosy cheeks, and bright blue eyes, became a delightful grandfather to my children. Widowed again at the age of 52, Mama married Woody. When he died, Mama helped me start Tahoma Companies in Cedar City. We worked together for nearly 10 years, until her health began to decline and she was forced to finally really retire. During that decade and the previous one, she also worked for my brothers in their sign business.
She was a Relief Society president, a Sunday School teacher, and the scribe for her Patriarch husband. She won numerous awards for her beautiful oil paintings and water colors, and she had a delightful sense of humor that drew people to her.
When Mama left this world, she had 38 grandchildren and 109 great-grandchildren, with four more on the way. All who knew her appreciated her loving, generous personality. She typified exactly what a mother should be. She was sure that her children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren were the smartest, most beautiful creatures to walk the earth, she taught them with love, not criticism.
All her life, she thought about, served, and sacrificed for her family. Until only a few months before her death, each of her great-grandchildren received a hand-made blanket or latch hook pillow at birth (sometimes the gift didn’t arrive for a year or two, depending on how many little ones were born near each other). And each grandchild and great-grandchild received a card with a dollar bill in it every birthday.
I believe a mother’s love is stronger and more enduring than any other kind of love. I believe it comes closest to the love God shows us than any other human emotion. Memories of my mother and her love soothes and comforts me and helps me feel God’s love during this stressful time in my life.

A Time to Give Thanks

2009-11-14T14:13:00.000-08:00

AS SOON AS THE KIDS BARELY HAD THEIR HALLOWEEN MAKE UP WIPED OFF, "JINGLE BELLS" BLARED OVER STORE SOUND SYSTEMS AND ADS FOR THE PERFECT CHRISTMAS GIFT APPEARED ON TV.....

Thanksgiving is barely noticed.

Celebrating Thanksgiving used to be a much bigger occasion. The First Thanksgiving lived in our collective consciousness as children made turkeys from construction paper feathers glued onto paper plates and dressed up as pilgrims. We told the story of the gratitude the pilgrims felt for living through near starvation and finally reaping a harvest that meant they would survive and prosper.

But, today, as we turn into a people whose biggest health problem is obesity, we face spiritual starvation in the face of physical excess. Therefore, on this Thanksgiving 2009, let’s strengthen our spiritual roots and seek Help From Above to enlarge our spirits and enrich our lives.

The gratitude you feel when you celebrate Thanksgiving will bring you peace of mind amidst the turmoil and uncertainty of this post-911 world.

Being grateful doesn’t mean that you ignore or postpone dealing with the problems in your life, but gratitude gives you the tools you need to face and solve those problems.

Gratitude cures depression, eliminates bitterness and resentment, brings peace amidst trials, and blesses those around you. M. J. Ryan, in her book, Attitudes of Gratitude, points out that we must be grateful even as we endure the inevitable tribulations of life on this earth. “We can’t wait until everything is OK–with us or with the rest of the world–to feel thankful, or we will never experience it at all."

As Thanksgiving, then Christmas rushes upon you, watch for moments of joy--the laughter of a child, a breathtaking sunset, the aroma of fresh cookies, a soft, sweet-smelling blanket.

Focusing on good things will bring you great peace, even amidst sorrow or suffering. Don't let your trials blind you to beauty, no matter what else may be happening.

May you lean on Help from Above as you reflect on the blessings that have come to you, even with economic woes and wars around the world. May your Thanksgiving holiday be filled with feasting for your body and your soul.

The End of My Mother's Life

2009-08-14T17:12:00.000-07:00

August 14, 2009

I'm looking forward to seeing as many of my siblings, children, grandchildren, nieces and nephews as possible this weekend. Grandma has rallied quite a bit--she's happy about seeing all of her children, including Butchy. She even had her hair done today at the shop in the care center. I will be bringing her home on hospice on Tuesday, August 18.

Butchy and his care-giver, Lynn, have been at the care center this afternoon with her for awhile "until she dozed off." They'll be at my house this evening for dinner. Paxton and his girls, Mandy, Megan and Elizabeth, with their families are on their way as I write this.

Nathan will be here in about an hour. Eric and Adelina will be here late tonight, and Chuck and Arlene will be in some time late tomorrow.

I've been back and forth to the care center or hospital for nearly three weeks. I'll be relieved to have Grandma in the house, because the care center simply doesn't do what family can.

I won't go into how many times I found her slumped in her chair or cross-wise in the bed where, from the wrinkle marks on her skin, she'd been for several hours. Or the screams of "Ow, ow!!" that tore at my heart when they cleaned her up or moved her. Many of the aides and nurses at Kolob are cheerful and helpful, but they have too many patients and too little time. And some of them dismissed an old ladies cries with, "She's not really in pain" then ignored her. It took me three days to get appropriate pain treatment for her, and I'm still not sure they have it right.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not going to try to take care of her myself (I don't have the physical ability, anyway). I have several day care people who will come in several hours a day and she will be on hospice, which means comfort care. We won't be forcing her into therapy or even making her move when she doesn't want to. And she'll be able to eat whatever she wants, because I'm not going to worry about her sugar levels, except to check it and give her insulin.

I'll try to be better about updating, but the past month has been pretty stressful.

2009-07-05T17:32:00.000-07:00

Dolly is helping me figure out how to blog more effectively.... I'm going to post my column for the 4th of July.

“Patriotism is Needed Now More Than Ever”
Corrie Lynne Player

Last week I asked you to share some trials you were grateful for–and I had quite a response! Plus I dug through my “Readers Correspondence” file (yep, I keep copies of the messages you send me).
Since today is the Fourth of July–Independence Day, and our country’s Birthday--I think it’s fitting that I talk about the greatest challenge we face–defending ourselves against enemies both within and outside our great country.
You’d be amazed at the negative reactions I’ve had in years past over my saying the United States of America is the greatest country on earth--not perfect, certainly, but the greatest place to live, work, and raise a family.
But if you watch the news at all, you might not be surprised. If, like me, you have a beloved family member serving in Iraq, the negative reactions hurt your heart. Your son or daughter, in this all volunteer army, puts him or herself at mortal risk to protect and defend our way of life. Many have died or been maimed–impacting you, the rest of your family and your community.
Yet, through all the wars and conflicts on this planet since our first 4th of July, we have expended our resources and continued to rebuild what was shattered. We have turned enemies into friends, responded to disasters around the world, and freely shared our prosperity. Our families, communities, and country should be honored and nurtured–to do so is not to diminish other families, communities or countries.
Too many people today take our freedoms and life style for granted. As Patrick Henry (known for “give me liberty or give me death”) said 250 years ago, “(Many) cry ‘peace, peace’ but there is no peace.” In those first decades of the struggle for American independence, a significant number of people were content to let the British exploit the colonies, because those people enjoyed wealth and social position.
The same thing is happening today, as a bloated federal government usurps more and more state and individual rights. Trillions of dollars are poured into a debt that dwarfs anything in our history, and more and more of our basic industries are coming under federal control. We’ve lost freedom of speech to political correctness, foisted on us by noisy groups advocating narrow agendas. We are in the same position as much of Europe was in the 1930s–we’re listening to demi-gods and smooth talking politicians who promise us whatever we want to hear. And we’ve surrendered our agency to “whatever feels good” because many of us have no personal moral code.
I think it’s time that everybody stopped arguing and started discussing, politely. It’s also time for polite people to stand up for themselves and refuse to back down in the face of their opponents’ tactics. Insist that all sides of an issue be heard, without rancor and fear of retaliation. Don’t throw up your hands and say, “Nothing I do matters.”
Remember that old saying, “I’m only one, but I AM one. I can’t do everything, but I can do something.” Rely on help from Above to guide your actions; post the flag in front of your house, wear it proudly on your lapel, and say, “Thank you” to the next service man you see in uniform. Celebrate the greatest country on earth!

Alaska was Wonderful--the week's since.... not so much

2009-06-17T18:27:00.000-07:00

Well, I guess I'll just start typing--I tried to get in front of my signature.... Gary and I enjoyed a wonderful cruise up the Inside Passage, with stops in Ketchikan, Juneau, and Skagway. I gained back the weight I lost when I got sick. Then we spent five days in Anchorage, visiting with my brother , Paxton and his family. My brother, Chuck, flew up for a couple of days with one of his daughters and her two daughters, as well as to do a little work with Gary and to use his special touch with Butchy to bring him home to Cedar City.
Butchy stayed exactly two weeks--two weeks that helped me learn much about bureaucracies, family love and support, priesthood blessings and trusting the Lord. Most of all, I’ve learned even more about how much I love and need my sweetheart, Gary F. Player, world’s best husband, dad, and grandpa.
Gary cared for me and backed me up when everybody else told me to “give it up, you can’t make yourself sick over this.”
When Chuck, Gary and I brought Butchy to Cedar City, I really fully intended that this would be his permanent home, that he would be back within the circle of my Faith and family and that I would pursue full guardianship through the state of Utah. I also placed him on the waiting list for the disability waiver necessary for Medicaid to give him special services that he needs because of his mental handicaps.
But events beyond my control, economic realities, poor choices by others, refusals to honor agreements, etc., etc., forced me to put my personal feelings aside and send Butchy back to Alaska, to wait in familiar surroundings while my application for a disability waiver crawls through the system.

The best part of the past few months, however, is that I have reliable help with my mother who lives with me--without that help, I'm sure I'd have been in a rubber room a long time ago!

I'm Off to Alaska

2009-05-12T18:33:00.000-07:00

OK, here's all that underlining again..... More stuff for Dolly to fix. Just wanted to let everyone know that I'm heading to Alaska to finally be able to bring my brother, Butchy, back into the family. Nearly eight years have gone by since some bureacratic bungles took him away from us (waaaaay too complicated to go into here).
I finally found him about three years ago and thought Mama and I would be able to carry on a correspondence (one way, since he's so disabled), but Hope Cottages hid him again. And I hired a lawyer who was finally able to get me temporary guardianship. Hope Cottages are still trying to block the move, but I have the tickets and a court order and will be in Anchorage on May 25 to get him ready and fly out around noon on May 29.
I'm hoping to have the Alaska family continguent gather for a party. Oh, by the way, Amy, the cruise doesn't go through Kodiak...
Well, more to do to get ready to leave Thursday, May 14....

Updates for Friends and Family

2009-04-11T15:46:00.000-07:00

Today is April 11, the day before Easter and I've had fun reading about the baskets and bunnies, coloring eggs, and, most of all, the point that the party stuff happens on Saturday, so all of our attention can be on the Atonement of Jesus Christ on Sunday.

Tomorrow, a fast day for us, Gary will lead the choir at Church and he will perform with the Master Singers at 7:00 p.m. All you folks in or near Cedar City, Utah, come to the Heritage Center for a wonderful ending to your celebration of the Resurrection of our Lord and Savior.

OK.... Dolly, I hope you can do something with this underlining. Or is it normal? Also, I sure would like to know how to attach/post cool photos like everybody else does....(Yep-I got rid of the under-line...Doll)

Sherri is getting a little better but she still has serious pain and debilitation. She's home from the hospital and Jon is amazing--he's been feeding her onion and garlic sandwiches (natural antibiotics) and cleaning house. Her kids are helping as much as most kids, stepping up to the plate to shepherd younger sibs and clean up messes.

Developing Kindness

2009-03-25T14:02:00.000-07:00

Over the years, I’ve written about developing kindness and a sense of service in your children. Human beings need one another–in fact, forced isolation and the inability to interact with others can cause insanity and death. Babies in orphanages who receive little verbal stimulation turn their faces to the wall and die, even if they are fed and clothed adequately.
Scientists are learning wonderful things about the brain and how family attachments enhance emotional and intellectual health in growing children. They know that, literally, what a person believes to be true becomes reality. For example, a study at the University of Michigan told certain participants that a cream rubbed on their arms was a “pain-reducing” cream. Then the participants were touched with a hot instrument. Every person who received the “pain-reducing” cream reported feeling little or no pain, although the cream had absolutely no pain inhibiting factors whatsoever.
Andrea Sullivan, owner of BrainStrength Systems, says, “What we think can change the structure of our brains through what scientists call neuroplasticity.” (Good Housekeeping; January 2009; p. 103).
You, through your interactions with your child and the example you set on meeting your own life’s challenges, can help your child grow into happy adulthood. I’m not talking about setting up a rigid formula that you can follow and then be sure of the outcome. We’re talking about other human beings here, human beings who have free will. If you focus positive energy in dealing with your own challenges, you will demonstrate that you can control your own responses, even though you can’t control other people’s actions.
You can choose to be happy or upset; nobody “makes” you miserable. True, others may say mean things, steal from you, drive recklessly, and display a host of other actions over which you will have no control. But you can still choose your behavior. Tears may spring to your eyes, but you don’t have to let angry words escape your lips or swing your fists.
Your child is always watching and imitating your behavior. If you erupt into a swearing tirade when somebody cuts in front of you and steals a parking place in a crowded parking lot, don’t be surprised by your child’s tantrum if you interrupt his video game to ask him to load the dishwasher.
Tor Wager, Ph.D. assistant professor of psychology at Columbia University said that “similar brain mechanisms are at work whether we’re influenced by expectations coming from outside ourselves or we’re generating our own expectations.” This knowledge can help you understand how important it is to model positive responses to negative situations.
If someone drives erratically or bumps into you with a grocery cart, be quick to give a positive spin to the situation, “She must be distracted” or “these aisles really need traffic lights.” Be slow to anger and quick to see another’s point of view, even if you misunderstand the other person’s point of view. Positive thoughts give positive energy and positive energy produces calming chemicals in your brain. Best of all, your child will learn this marvelous way of finding peace amidst adversity–a lesson that will serve him well as he encounters the inevitable challenges and pains of life.

HELP YOUR CHILDREN LEARN TO DELAY GRATIFICATION

2009-01-29T04:22:00.000-08:00

I recently read about a behavioral experiment with four and five year old kids that intrigued me. A teacher sat 10 children (who had all indicated that they REALLY liked marshmallows) at 10 desks with 10 marshmallows in front of them. The teacher told the children not to touch the marshmallows until she returned. The teacher was able to watch the children through a two way mirror.
Two of the children ate the marshmallows as soon as the teacher was out of sight. Three managed to wait two minutes before stuffing down the marshmallows. Two children resisted for four minutes, then bit a piece off their marshmallows. One child licked the table all around the marshmallow but didn’t eat it. And two children were able to wait until the teacher returned in five minutes.
This experiment revealed several things: most small children have slight ability to resist temptation, five minutes is a loooong time for a preschooler, and some children are quite creative about policing themselves. The most important fact a parent can draw from this experiment is that they can help children learn to delay gratification.
Significant research indicates that being able to put off something you want right now for a greater pay-off in the future is the single best indicator of financial and personal success. Unfortunately, too many of us never learn this skill! We can’t lose the weight necessary for good health, because we can’t pass up a hot fudge sundae. We max out our credit cards for fancy clothes and succumb to the temptation of a new car when a used one would suffice.
I heard about another memorable lesson about the importance of delaying gratification. A Sunday School teacher gave her class a choice between dividing up a bowl of candies right now or each having his or her own bag of candy the next day. Then she left the room “to get a drink of water.”
When she returned, all the candy was gone. Everybody explained that they wanted their share and had to eat quickly because “some kids” grabbed “too many.” The teacher merely smiled and said, “Well, I hope everybody had at least one piece” and the kids agreed that they had.
The next Sunday, the teacher displayed brightly wrapped bags of candy and said, “I brought these to show you that you would have had your own bag today if you’d waited. You wouldn’t have had to worry about how to divide things up. But you decided not to wait, so you’re stuck with what you got.”
When my teens argued, “It’s my life, I can do what I want” in response to a rule or being given a consequence, I always answered, “Yep, it’s your life. You’re pretty much grown up and if you really want to, I can’t stop you from climbing up to the roof and deciding to jump off. But half way down, you can’t decide you really didn’t want to jump. You’ll hit the ground and suffer the consequences.”
How awful the consequences of stupid choices can be for our kids! And how painful for us to watch them suffer. However, many decades of parenting and grandparenting have taught me that I shouldn’t even try to shield my children from consequences of their choices. Experience teaches more effectively than any lecture....
‘Tis better to help our youngsters learn lessons from marshmallows and candies when we can control the outcome! Otherwise, we just may endure the heartbreak of visiting them in jail, checking them into drug rehab, or supporting their abandoned children.
What do you do to help your kids learn this critical skill?

Let’s Try to Make 2009 Better than 2008

2009-01-10T14:27:00.000-08:00

The New Year is here!! How are you holding up? Even with the lousy financial news and panic that seems to grip much of the nation, I can’t help but feel optimism about the future.
I base my optimism on the fact that I live in a beautiful, free country and that I’m pretty much in charge of my life. I may have limited influence because I’m just one person. But as a cross stitch motto on my grandma’s wall said, “I can’t do everything; I am only one. But I AM one and I can do something.”
Just because a task seems huge doesn’t mean it’s impossible. A trip of 1,000 miles starts with one step... and another and another....
I also am trying to be sure that I think in terms of what’s going right, rather than what’s not so great (as I tend to do much too often).
Mama is recovering, slowly, from the nasty fall she took last month which bruised her back, as well as broke her left foot and jammed her right ankle. She was in the hospital for three days, then a rehab center. She takes a step forward and a half step backwards. And I sometimes feel stressed-out from being completely responsible for her and watching her suffer. But, sacrificing convenience and time is a small price to pay for the soul-expanding experience of caring for my mother.
Financially, I don’t have quite what I had earlier in the year but we do have enough to share through hiring and buying locally to help friends and family. I’m grateful that my husband cares more about people than hoarding what we have against an uncertain future.
My personal study gives me tremendous comfort. I’m reminded why I don’t have to fear as the world spins toward the Second Coming. Satan seems to have so much power; he’s managed to deceive a huge number of people who love wickedness more than God. But Jesus Christ, Lord of this earth, comforts me with His words, “Wherefore, gird up your loins and be prepared. Behold, the kingdom is yours, and the enemy shall not overcome.”
“...treasure up wisdom in your bosoms, lest the wickedness of men reveal these things unto you ... but if ye are prepared ye shall not fear.”
I think “treasure up wisdom” means to increase scripture study and to attend church and obey His commandments, whether or not I’m tired or tempted to do something that’s not uplifting. Preparedness refers to both temporal and spiritual preparedness.
Watching news about terrorist strikes around the world makes me grateful to live where I do. I don’t feel vulnerable to such attacks, although I know that random acts of violence and accidents can happen anywhere.
But, I feel Heavenly Father’s protection and love surround me whenever I start to worry about something. I know that fear, worry, and anger are all emotions that Satan fans into retaliation, paranoia, and murder. I cling to my Savior and I try to stay far away from any place the Holy Ghost won’t operate. Illness, sorrow, and grief are negative burdens that Jesus Christ willingly lifts from me, if I allow Him to do so.
Another blessing comes to mind--I’m still relatively healthy, although I’m reminded that old age is creeping up on me. My body isn’t as strong as it was not so long ago; I can’t work hour after hour without stopping, although sometimes I try to! I am learning to be patient and to listen to internal signals. I’m also learning to hear the whispers of the Spirit that help me distinguish between when I need to relax and when I’m just being lazy!

Ok, Who Stole the Last 2 Months???

2008-11-14T15:56:00.000-08:00

Somehow, the time between September 1 and today, November 14, 2008 has vanished away. I've been in Hawaii, Alaska, Washington state, Nevada, California, and Michigan (no, wait, Michigan was in May...). My hubby and I are consultants in ground water and oil & gas resources, and I'm a speaker and writer on parenting and relationship issues, so we spent a lot of time drivng and flying. We prefer driving, but couldn't quite handle the Alaska/Canadian (Alcan) highway--or the Pacific Ocean to Hawaii, for that matter.

All of our travel has exposed us to the heat and beat of presidential, state, and local politics where we've been able to ponder just what's going on in this country that we love. Gas prices shot up over $4.00 a gallon and now they're down below $2 here in Utah. I watched the stock market plummet, with no real end in sight. For some reason, pundits think that the government's bailing out unsuccessful companies is the way to get us back on track.... Huh?

People keep moaning that this is the worst financial disaster since the Great Depression, and I think they're right. Hoover was tossed out and FDR took over, doing his level best to legislate and government us out of the mess that the Roaring 20s plunged us into. Just as happened then, Americans happily spent and consumed with abandon--turning away from frugality and leveraging themselves until the bubble had to burst. We've gone from saving to consuming and now we wonder why we're in a mess. But government programs failed to accomplish anything until World War II came along. I, for one, don't want to count on a bloody world conflict....

Why don't we try accepting responsibility for our actions, sacrificing for our friends and neighbors, and relying on God, without whining about fairness? The only people we can control are ourselves, individually.

I think I'll stop, now!

Corrie Lynne

Save the Family

2008-09-17T12:55:00.001-07:00

GREAT NEWS ON A SAD DAY

2008-08-30T19:38:00.001-07:00

I think I just lost the whole thing.... Gary and Eric, with Caelan, Morgan, and Padraig, unexpectedly returned from their camping trip--rained and hailed out. Caelan is upset and I've said they can go ahead and set the tent up on the lawn for the night. We'll see.

Eric announced his engagement to Adelina Luong, a beautiful young woman who is in her second year of residency in surgical pathology. They plan to be married on October 18, and Adelina says that Dolly, Sherri and I can plan the whole thing! We're excited and hope that as many of our kids as possible will be able to be here.

The funeral for our dear friends, David Goddard and his daughter, Cecilee, was today; it ended a very long, intense week for us and was attended by nearly a thousand people.

Well, as I said in the post I think I lost (maybe I did and maybe I didn't...), I need to get back to working on my lesson for church tomorrow. It's on "Gifts of the Spirit."

Mom/Corrie

Great News on a Sad Day

2008-08-30T19:19:00.000-07:00

Hi, All, Here I am, blogging my little heart out--it's a lot different from writing my columns, articles, and books. It's more like writing a letter and sending it into the ether--I don't know who or if anybody will receive my words. At least with a letter, I'm pretty sure my message gets to where I mailed it, unless the PO returns it....

Today, August 30, has been almost more than I can actually write down--something unusual for me!

I woke up this morning to hug Padraig who had arrived with his two brothers last night just about bedtime. I checked the orange cream fruit salad I'd made for the funeral today. Eric called Gary and I down so that Caelan could tell us that his dad was engaged. I'm thrilled, because I met Andalina a couple of weeks ago--she's a wonderful person. They plan to be married in the St. George Temple on October 18.

I left to get my hair done (leaving for two weeks necessitates serious hair help). While under the dryer, I worked on the lesson I have to give in Relief Society tomorrow. And I was finally able to talk to Linda for a few minutes about their trip here on Sept. 14 - 23 for Robert's wedding (I'm unsure about the end date...). I will be in Ogden the weekend of Sept. 12-13 for the League of Utah Writer's Round-Up.

The funeral this afternoon was heart wrenching but filled with peace and laughter, too. Gary played taps at the internment. We didn't get a chance to talk to any of the family--there were close to a thousand people at the service. But we'll visit when we get back in town--that's when they'll need more support, anyway.

OK, this is taking more time than I have--I have to finish preparing my lesson for Church tomorrow.

My Heart is Heavy But My Spirit is Strong

2008-08-25T15:02:00.000-07:00

With my friends and family in Cedar City, I'm in the midst of an eventful, wonderful, agonizing, awful week (pretty much just like life...). Early Saturday morning (August 23), Gary and I entered the St. George temple to be with Val, the sweet young woman who cared for Grandma Gwynne this past year. She was marrying Justin, a really neat young man that we'd grown to love, too. And, because Val is the only member of the LDS faith in her family, she honored Gary and I by asking us to be her escort and witness. I cried with happiness during much of the ceremony and in the Bride's room.

We went outside for the pictures on the temple steps and Gary turned on his cell phone where he found the message that one of our dearest friends and his daughter Dave Goddard and Cecilee) were killed in a terrible plane crash the night before. We went from joyous celebration of the formation of a new family to profound sorrow at the devastation of so many others. I'm pretty sure the accident made the national news. Ten people, including the pilot died instantly just after they took off from the airport in Moab, Utah. Our whole town is in mourning.

Yesterday, our church services were filled with a solemn hush as we drew together and felt the Spirit comfort us. Gary directed the choir in singing "I'm a Pilgrim, I'm a Stranger" a plaintive hymn about our earthly lives being a time of uncertainty and sorrow. The last verse, though, speaks about turning to God for safety and peace. The choir and the audience were sobbing by the end of it.

Tonight there will be a memorial service at Southern Utah University and another on Thursday night where the Orchestra of Southern Utah will perform a musical tribute to those we lost and their families. Gary is first trumpet in the orchestra. Dave and Cecilee's funeral will be Saturday at 1:00 p.m.

I find myself weeping, then I feel such a sweet peace in my faith, the faith I shared with Dave. I realize that death comes to all of us--it's as much a part of life as birth. I can find strength and solace through my savior, Jesus Christ, who bore my sorrows, as well as my sins.

And my weeping turns to joy.

“Are You an Adult who Behaves Badly?”

2008-08-08T09:22:00.000-07:00

For many years I’ve written a patriotic-themed column at the beginning of July, our nation’s Birthday month. I’ve talked about pride in family, community, and country. The feedback I’ve received has always been positive and supportive, but this year I received a response that was down-right scary.
In my July 5, 2008 column, I decried the increasingly negative, even vicious personal attacks coming from extremists on both sides of the political spectrum. I said, “Where in the world have ‘discussion,’ ‘debate,’ and ‘polite disagreement’ gone to? At least we’re not shooting each other with actual bullets, ...not yet. But I’ve heard threats to bring criminal charges against the Bush administration, which means certain folks want to follow in the footsteps of Stalin, Hitler and others who jailed their political opponents when they gained enough power to do so.
I’ve witnessed, even in my own family, relationships ruptured, feelings hurt, and trenches dug which were almost too broad to be crossed. Why can’t people just state their points of view about religion, politics, local government, gas prices, etc, etc, and allow everyone else the same privilege?”
One person ignored my call for civility and lashed out that “of course, George Bush should be jailed as a criminal” and went on to accuse me of advocating water boarding and being a terrorist, myself.
The reason I found this attack so distressful was that, not only did this person seem to believe America is a terrible country and our armed services personnel unworthy of support, he/she advocated punishing a political opponent through jail time. Political opponents and dissidents are jailed or executed in totalitarian countries all over the world. I certainly don’t want to believe that there’s enough motivation for the winner of this year’s presidential election to even consider bringing criminal charges against the administration preceding him.
We have a unique centuries-old tradition of political squabbling before elections, with verbal attacks, cartoon lampooning, etc. One raucous event during the 1872 presidential election year deteriorated into opponents whacking each other with canes on the Senate floor. But once the election is over, most folks go back to their normal lives. In the past few years, though, I’ve witnessed people becoming more and more radicalized, while the majority seems paralyzed from fear of becoming targets for the radicals.
This kind of disrespect for elected authority spawns violence in the general population. When hatred and anger take over our lives and become the focal point of our thinking, we shrivel inside. Respecting even those with whom we disagree doesn’t mean we condone criminal activity or avoid taking a stand for the right. But it does mean that we allow those whose opinions are different the same courtesy we’d like for ourselves.
May I again urge you to rely on Help From Above as you set an example for your children about how responsible adults conduct their political and personal lives. Together, we can restore civility in public discourse and peace in our hearts.

Would you believe that the same guy who called me a terrorist came back and repeated his assertion even more aggressively? So much for "civility in public discourse!"

Best,

Corrie Lynne

“Fashion, Maternity or Otherwise, Makes No Sense”

2008-08-05T22:04:00.000-07:00

A couple of weeks ago, I chuckled over a fellow columnist’s bemoaning the challenges of being “fashionably pregnant.” She said the shirts “looked like nothing more than small tents topped with ridiculous bows, and I seemed to gain 100 pounds just by putting them on.”
I remembered my own efforts to clothe my rapidly expanding body and mused about what has happened to the way we dress, in general, in the last decade or two.
I’d been trying to get pregnant for many years, so the minute I found out my eldest son was incubating, I rushed out to buy booties and maternity clothes. I was thrilled to be joining the ranks of bulging tummies. In those days, “maternity” was a special category of fashion; the clothing was designed to “draw attention from the waistline to the special glow of pregnancy.” Women’s magazines in the Seventies were kind of schizophrenic–lauding female heavy equipment operators and chiding stay-at-home moms about wasting their talents on one hand, while touting natural child birth and urging women to “free their senses” on the other.
I remember wandering through the maternity section at a local department store. I saw racks of pastel smocks embroidered with ducks and bunnies or cutsie sayings like, “My Heir is Becoming Apparent.” Donning a smock designated the wearer as “in the family way” so I bought the most obvious one I could find, gave myself a back ache poking out my stomach, and beamed with pride when somebody said, “Are you expecting?”
The pants were all alike with stretchy panels and were designed to go under the smocks without making a big deal of the whole thing. As my friend said, dresses were basically tents with lots of shirring, bows, and ruffles, all strategically placed and designed to shout “Pregnant!” while modestly covering everything.
I think the idea behind these fashion statements was “better pregnant than fat.” Besides, pregnant people went to the front of the line in the ladies rest room, found seats on crowded commuter trains, and, in general, enjoyed a privileged status.
Today, maternity fashions of yore seem to have given way to a more “in your face” kind of attitude. But, then, I notice that current fashions consist of little more than a few bits of cloth strategically placed, so why should the fact that a baby is “hatching” make any difference? The other day, I saw a woman in a cropped halter top and low rider pants that had to have been stapled on; her belly bulged between the two like a skin covered basketball. I wondered if she had any idea how ridiculous she looked. ... I don’t think anybody would have wanted to give her a seat on a crowded commuter train.
She strode along, holding the hand of a little girl who looked about six and must have been her daughter. The child wore a red spaghetti strap top that stopped just below her breast bone, white micro-mini shorts, and pink flip-flops. When the girl grows up, she’ll probably wear a thong bikini as a maternity outfit and call it good.
Unfortunately, this “barely there” fashion statement is far from unusual. Most young women bare their midriffs with little thought. When I shop for my granddaughters, I can rarely find anything suitable, unless I buy an extra shirt for them to wear under the top. I notice even my friends from church let their babies and little children wear skimpy sun dresses and go swimming in bikinis. These same women will struggle with their teenaged daughters who will wonder why skimpy sun-dresses, strapless formals and bikinis are now off limits.
If we ever needed Help From Above, we sure need it when we decide what to put on our bodies–and the bodies of our children! I hope you consider the example and precedents you’re setting when you wear revealing fashions or dress your little girl like a miniature street walker.

Does all this bother the rest of you? Or am I just pretty much out of step with today's world?

Corrie Lynne

Patriotism is Good for Kids

2008-07-16T12:23:00.000-07:00

Hi, All,

I’m trying to get this blogging thing down.... My daughter (who set up and takes care of my blog) tells me that it’s sort of like an on-line journal–I should be writing my thoughts and giving you a chance to comment or respond to them. Since I already write a regular column for our weekly paper (and another paper in the western part of the state), I do get a chance to muse and even mumble about all sorts of things. And I have readers either clap or boo, so I guess I’ve been a blogger before blogging was cool

Now blogging is cool, but I still rely on somebody else to put up my thoughts (like my editors do)....

It’s July and a presidential election year, so I’m thinking about what it means to be a citizen of the United States of America.

At the risk of setting off a fire storm of unpleasant debate, I want to come right out and say that “Patriotism and allegiance to and love for country, are good for children–and adults.”

I think we have swung too far away from the ideals and truths upon which our country was founded. We’re in danger of losing what has been purchased by the best blood of 10 generations!

I’m saddened when I witness horrific, personal attacks coming from both ends of the political spectrum: “George Bush is a war-mongering mad man”, “John McCain is a shambling, vacillating fool with no personal values”, “Barrack O’bama is an immature racist with secret yearnings to turn the country over to terrorists”, “Hilary Clinton is a shrewish man-hater.” The list goes on and on, depending on who’s talking and his or her agenda.

Where in the world have “discussion,” “debate,” and “polite disagreement” gone to? At least we’re not shooting each other with actual bullets, ...not yet. But I’ve heard threats to bring criminal charges against the Bush administration, which means certain folks want to follow in the footsteps of Stalin, Hitler and others who jailed their political opponents when they gained enough power to do so.

I’ve witnessed, even in my own family, relationships ruptured, feelings hurt, and trenches dug which were almost too broad to be crossed. Why can’t people just state their points of view about religion, politics, local government, gas prices, etc, etc, and allow everyone else the same privilege?

Enough, already!! We’ve endured more than a year of political wrangling and we’re still four months away from the actual election. Let’s come together to celebrate, during our nation’s Birthday month, all that makes us unique and wonderful.

Of course, there are some moral absolutes; I’m not trying to promote “moral relativism.” I do believe that our God put us here on earth to learn to love, forgive, and serve one another, without blame, rancor, or judgement.

Join with me to tell the stories of heroism on the beaches at Normandy, in the jungles of Vietnam, and the desert sands of Iraq and Afghanistan. Let’s unite behind our sons and our daughters who have volunteered to put their lives on the line, no matter where they’re serving right now.

Every member of the armed services--reservist, active, or retired--deserves a handshake and a thank you, at the very least. If you’re in a position to lighten the financial burdens of a family left behind, then do so–either through a credible agency or directly.

The returning wounded face years of rehabilitation and may have to forgo cherished dreams forever because they left arms or legs on the battlefield. Sometimes, dying is easier than living with such realities. Again, let these soldiers know you appreciate their incredible sacrifice.

Proudly display your flag, every day. If you see military uniforms, point them out to your children; smile and say thank you. A few days ago, I witnessed a middle aged woman pay for the lunch of two young men in uniform. What a great example for her grandson who was with her!

What do you think we should do to honor our troops and veterans?

I know a lot of people are dead set against war of any sort, anywhere. I don’t like war either, but I’m hard-pressed to figure out what we do instead, especially when we’re attacked on our own soil or we see genocide going on and have the means to stop it. Technology being what it is, we can’t depend on an ocean to protect us, so withdrawing into ourselves won’t work.

Anyway, I’ve considered this topic in my column–and elicited claps and boos....

Until later....

Corrie Lynne

Do You Have Affluenza?

2008-07-16T12:20:00.000-07:00

A terrible sickness has invaded our society. Its effects are more widespread than those of the common cold and cancer put together. While colds, viruses, and cancer afflict millions of people, they are usually unavoidable. The sickness I’m worried about is much worse than these illnesses because suffering from its effects is voluntary. There’s nothing mysterious about this illness and most people are rather proud of coming down with it.

Displaying their own cases of it, modern advertising firms tout the advantages of contracting “Affluenza” and bombard us with reasons why we must indulge ourselves with more and more material possessions. We are encouraged to buy a luxury car, trade up from a modest home, “rent to own” brand new furniture, and to buy a computer–last year’s is obsolete. In order to buy, buy, and buy, people dedicate their hearts and souls to building financial wealth. But in our eagerness to acquire big screen televisions, crystal chandeliers, and real silk underwear, we go way beyond providing for the necessities of life and forget our most precious, important responsibilities.

Mothers who stash their babies in daycare and rush back to work so the family can have a big house and fancy vacations deprive their children of basic needs. There just isn’t enough time in the day to do much more than be sure the kids are fed. And children who spend most of their waking hours in day care don’t get the nurturing a loving parent would give.

Now, before people begin to yell at me for being out of touch with modern society, let me assure those parents who must leave their babies because of serious illness, death, or divorce. A lot of the negative effects and lack of stimulation can be ameliorated by loving, consistent care givers. In fact, a really good care giver can be better than an apathetic, ill parent–one of the reasons for the Head Start programs. Sometimes parents are too poor or too uneducated, with no good parenting examples in their own live, to do much for their babies. But all of these situations are the exceptions rather than the norms.

The biggest problem babies and small children face today is parents with “affluenza” who spend their energies striving for material wealth, leaving little or nothing for their children. These people pursue high powered, stress-filled jobs which also impact their own mental health.
Or these people go to medical or law school, which demand every waking hour. Note, that I’m not condemning higher education or demanding professions; I just want to emphasize that one parent should be able to devote full time to the raising of the children–especially the very young children.

When a child is in school, the mother (or father if he is the primary care giver) can return to school or part time work, as long as the home stays intact and the child’s time at home is spent with a loving parent. I wrote a couple of columns last year about parents who patronized million dollar day care centers so they could give their kids “everything.” Thanks to my readers, I’ve since learned about wealthy working parents who engage the services of two or three nannies, so all their kids’ “needs will be met.” These people have nearly terminal cases of affluenza!

If you want to give your child everything, give him or her the full time attention of one parent, while the other earns the living. If you are a single parent of a child under three and are forced to work, consider taking help from your family, applying for social service programs, or accessing an appropriate social program run by your church.

As research into the developing brain proves, you are your children’s most important teacher. Your actions and attention, or lack of same, determine their future.

But don’t take my word for it–sincerely ask that Power on High what you should do and listen to the answer. You will be led to do what is best for your family and you. I know, because I’ve watched countless parents and children heal and thrive when they put their trust where it belongs.

My Daughter's Family

2008-07-09T19:28:00.000-07:00

Here's some pictures of my grandchildren-the Roy family (My daughter-Dolly's children)...
Cameron, Nick, Dakota, Madeline and Jaden is the "baby". The top left picture is of their adoption day in court- for son, Jaden. The handsome guy in the graduation picture is Dolly and Roland's eldest son, Cameron. The other pictures of Dolly with children, are adorable foster children she's had in her home. She has been fostering children for several years in Utah.