Dolly is helping me figure out how to blog more effectively.... I'm going to post my column for the 4th of July.


“Patriotism is Needed Now More Than Ever”
Corrie Lynne Player

Last week I asked you to share some trials you were grateful for–and I had quite a response! Plus I dug through my “Readers Correspondence” file (yep, I keep copies of the messages you send me).
Since today is the Fourth of July–Independence Day, and our country’s Birthday--I think it’s fitting that I talk about the greatest challenge we face–defending ourselves against enemies both within and outside our great country.
You’d be amazed at the negative reactions I’ve had in years past over my saying the United States of America is the greatest country on earth--not perfect, certainly, but the greatest place to live, work, and raise a family.
But if you watch the news at all, you might not be surprised. If, like me, you have a beloved family member serving in Iraq, the negative reactions hurt your heart. Your son or daughter, in this all volunteer army, puts him or herself at mortal risk to protect and defend our way of life. Many have died or been maimed–impacting you, the rest of your family and your community.
Yet, through all the wars and conflicts on this planet since our first 4th of July, we have expended our resources and continued to rebuild what was shattered. We have turned enemies into friends, responded to disasters around the world, and freely shared our prosperity. Our families, communities, and country should be honored and nurtured–to do so is not to diminish other families, communities or countries.
Too many people today take our freedoms and life style for granted. As Patrick Henry (known for “give me liberty or give me death”) said 250 years ago, “(Many) cry ‘peace, peace’ but there is no peace.” In those first decades of the struggle for American independence, a significant number of people were content to let the British exploit the colonies, because those people enjoyed wealth and social position.
The same thing is happening today, as a bloated federal government usurps more and more state and individual rights. Trillions of dollars are poured into a debt that dwarfs anything in our history, and more and more of our basic industries are coming under federal control. We’ve lost freedom of speech to political correctness, foisted on us by noisy groups advocating narrow agendas. We are in the same position as much of Europe was in the 1930s–we’re listening to demi-gods and smooth talking politicians who promise us whatever we want to hear. And we’ve surrendered our agency to “whatever feels good” because many of us have no personal moral code.
I think it’s time that everybody stopped arguing and started discussing, politely. It’s also time for polite people to stand up for themselves and refuse to back down in the face of their opponents’ tactics. Insist that all sides of an issue be heard, without rancor and fear of retaliation. Don’t throw up your hands and say, “Nothing I do matters.”
Remember that old saying, “I’m only one, but I AM one. I can’t do everything, but I can do something.” Rely on help from Above to guide your actions; post the flag in front of your house, wear it proudly on your lapel, and say, “Thank you” to the next service man you see in uniform. Celebrate the greatest country on earth!

Alaska was Wonderful--the week's since.... not so much

Well, I guess I'll just start typing--I tried to get in front of my signature.... Gary and I enjoyed a wonderful cruise up the Inside Passage, with stops in Ketchikan, Juneau, and Skagway. I gained back the weight I lost when I got sick. Then we spent five days in Anchorage, visiting with my brother , Paxton and his family. My brother, Chuck, flew up for a couple of days with one of his daughters and her two daughters, as well as to do a little work with Gary and to use his special touch with Butchy to bring him home to Cedar City.
Butchy stayed exactly two weeks--two weeks that helped me learn much about bureaucracies, family love and support, priesthood blessings and trusting the Lord. Most of all, I’ve learned even more about how much I love and need my sweetheart, Gary F. Player, world’s best husband, dad, and grandpa.
Gary cared for me and backed me up when everybody else told me to “give it up, you can’t make yourself sick over this.”
When Chuck, Gary and I brought Butchy to Cedar City, I really fully intended that this would be his permanent home, that he would be back within the circle of my Faith and family and that I would pursue full guardianship through the state of Utah. I also placed him on the waiting list for the disability waiver necessary for Medicaid to give him special services that he needs because of his mental handicaps.
But events beyond my control, economic realities, poor choices by others, refusals to honor agreements, etc., etc., forced me to put my personal feelings aside and send Butchy back to Alaska, to wait in familiar surroundings while my application for a disability waiver crawls through the system.

The best part of the past few months, however, is that I have reliable help with my mother who lives with me--without that help, I'm sure I'd have been in a rubber room a long time ago!

I'm Off to Alaska

OK, here's all that underlining again..... More stuff for Dolly to fix. Just wanted to let everyone know that I'm heading to Alaska to finally be able to bring my brother, Butchy, back into the family. Nearly eight years have gone by since some bureacratic bungles took him away from us (waaaaay too complicated to go into here).
I finally found him about three years ago and thought Mama and I would be able to carry on a correspondence (one way, since he's so disabled), but Hope Cottages hid him again. And I hired a lawyer who was finally able to get me temporary guardianship. Hope Cottages are still trying to block the move, but I have the tickets and a court order and will be in Anchorage on May 25 to get him ready and fly out around noon on May 29.
I'm hoping to have the Alaska family continguent gather for a party. Oh, by the way, Amy, the cruise doesn't go through Kodiak...
Well, more to do to get ready to leave Thursday, May 14....

Updates for Friends and Family

Today is April 11, the day before Easter and I've had fun reading about the baskets and bunnies, coloring eggs, and, most of all, the point that the party stuff happens on Saturday, so all of our attention can be on the Atonement of Jesus Christ on Sunday.

Tomorrow, a fast day for us, Gary will lead the choir at Church and he will perform with the Master Singers at 7:00 p.m. All you folks in or near Cedar City, Utah, come to the Heritage Center for a wonderful ending to your celebration of the Resurrection of our Lord and Savior.

OK.... Dolly, I hope you can do something with this underlining. Or is it normal? Also, I sure would like to know how to attach/post cool photos like everybody else does....(Yep-I got rid of the under-line...Doll)

Sherri is getting a little better but she still has serious pain and debilitation. She's home from the hospital and Jon is amazing--he's been feeding her onion and garlic sandwiches (natural antibiotics) and cleaning house. Her kids are helping as much as most kids, stepping up to the plate to shepherd younger sibs and clean up messes.

Developing Kindness

Over the years, I’ve written about developing kindness and a sense of service in your children. Human beings need one another–in fact, forced isolation and the inability to interact with others can cause insanity and death. Babies in orphanages who receive little verbal stimulation turn their faces to the wall and die, even if they are fed and clothed adequately.
Scientists are learning wonderful things about the brain and how family attachments enhance emotional and intellectual health in growing children. They know that, literally, what a person believes to be true becomes reality. For example, a study at the University of Michigan told certain participants that a cream rubbed on their arms was a “pain-reducing” cream. Then the participants were touched with a hot instrument. Every person who received the “pain-reducing” cream reported feeling little or no pain, although the cream had absolutely no pain inhibiting factors whatsoever.
Andrea Sullivan, owner of BrainStrength Systems, says, “What we think can change the structure of our brains through what scientists call neuroplasticity.” (Good Housekeeping; January 2009; p. 103).
You, through your interactions with your child and the example you set on meeting your own life’s challenges, can help your child grow into happy adulthood. I’m not talking about setting up a rigid formula that you can follow and then be sure of the outcome. We’re talking about other human beings here, human beings who have free will. If you focus positive energy in dealing with your own challenges, you will demonstrate that you can control your own responses, even though you can’t control other people’s actions.
You can choose to be happy or upset; nobody “makes” you miserable. True, others may say mean things, steal from you, drive recklessly, and display a host of other actions over which you will have no control. But you can still choose your behavior. Tears may spring to your eyes, but you don’t have to let angry words escape your lips or swing your fists.
Your child is always watching and imitating your behavior. If you erupt into a swearing tirade when somebody cuts in front of you and steals a parking place in a crowded parking lot, don’t be surprised by your child’s tantrum if you interrupt his video game to ask him to load the dishwasher.
Tor Wager, Ph.D. assistant professor of psychology at Columbia University said that “similar brain mechanisms are at work whether we’re influenced by expectations coming from outside ourselves or we’re generating our own expectations.” This knowledge can help you understand how important it is to model positive responses to negative situations.
If someone drives erratically or bumps into you with a grocery cart, be quick to give a positive spin to the situation, “She must be distracted” or “these aisles really need traffic lights.” Be slow to anger and quick to see another’s point of view, even if you misunderstand the other person’s point of view. Positive thoughts give positive energy and positive energy produces calming chemicals in your brain. Best of all, your child will learn this marvelous way of finding peace amidst adversity–a lesson that will serve him well as he encounters the inevitable challenges and pains of life.

HELP YOUR CHILDREN LEARN TO DELAY GRATIFICATION

I recently read about a behavioral experiment with four and five year old kids that intrigued me. A teacher sat 10 children (who had all indicated that they REALLY liked marshmallows) at 10 desks with 10 marshmallows in front of them. The teacher told the children not to touch the marshmallows until she returned. The teacher was able to watch the children through a two way mirror.
Two of the children ate the marshmallows as soon as the teacher was out of sight. Three managed to wait two minutes before stuffing down the marshmallows. Two children resisted for four minutes, then bit a piece off their marshmallows. One child licked the table all around the marshmallow but didn’t eat it. And two children were able to wait until the teacher returned in five minutes.
This experiment revealed several things: most small children have slight ability to resist temptation, five minutes is a loooong time for a preschooler, and some children are quite creative about policing themselves. The most important fact a parent can draw from this experiment is that they can help children learn to delay gratification.
Significant research indicates that being able to put off something you want right now for a greater pay-off in the future is the single best indicator of financial and personal success. Unfortunately, too many of us never learn this skill! We can’t lose the weight necessary for good health, because we can’t pass up a hot fudge sundae. We max out our credit cards for fancy clothes and succumb to the temptation of a new car when a used one would suffice.
I heard about another memorable lesson about the importance of delaying gratification. A Sunday School teacher gave her class a choice between dividing up a bowl of candies right now or each having his or her own bag of candy the next day. Then she left the room “to get a drink of water.”
When she returned, all the candy was gone. Everybody explained that they wanted their share and had to eat quickly because “some kids” grabbed “too many.” The teacher merely smiled and said, “Well, I hope everybody had at least one piece” and the kids agreed that they had.
The next Sunday, the teacher displayed brightly wrapped bags of candy and said, “I brought these to show you that you would have had your own bag today if you’d waited. You wouldn’t have had to worry about how to divide things up. But you decided not to wait, so you’re stuck with what you got.”
When my teens argued, “It’s my life, I can do what I want” in response to a rule or being given a consequence, I always answered, “Yep, it’s your life. You’re pretty much grown up and if you really want to, I can’t stop you from climbing up to the roof and deciding to jump off. But half way down, you can’t decide you really didn’t want to jump. You’ll hit the ground and suffer the consequences.”
How awful the consequences of stupid choices can be for our kids! And how painful for us to watch them suffer. However, many decades of parenting and grandparenting have taught me that I shouldn’t even try to shield my children from consequences of their choices. Experience teaches more effectively than any lecture....
‘Tis better to help our youngsters learn lessons from marshmallows and candies when we can control the outcome! Otherwise, we just may endure the heartbreak of visiting them in jail, checking them into drug rehab, or supporting their abandoned children.
What do you do to help your kids learn this critical skill?

Let’s Try to Make 2009 Better than 2008

The New Year is here!! How are you holding up? Even with the lousy financial news and panic that seems to grip much of the nation, I can’t help but feel optimism about the future.
I base my optimism on the fact that I live in a beautiful, free country and that I’m pretty much in charge of my life. I may have limited influence because I’m just one person. But as a cross stitch motto on my grandma’s wall said, “I can’t do everything; I am only one. But I AM one and I can do something.”
Just because a task seems huge doesn’t mean it’s impossible. A trip of 1,000 miles starts with one step... and another and another....
I also am trying to be sure that I think in terms of what’s going right, rather than what’s not so great (as I tend to do much too often).
Mama is recovering, slowly, from the nasty fall she took last month which bruised her back, as well as broke her left foot and jammed her right ankle. She was in the hospital for three days, then a rehab center. She takes a step forward and a half step backwards. And I sometimes feel stressed-out from being completely responsible for her and watching her suffer. But, sacrificing convenience and time is a small price to pay for the soul-expanding experience of caring for my mother.
Financially, I don’t have quite what I had earlier in the year but we do have enough to share through hiring and buying locally to help friends and family. I’m grateful that my husband cares more about people than hoarding what we have against an uncertain future.
My personal study gives me tremendous comfort. I’m reminded why I don’t have to fear as the world spins toward the Second Coming. Satan seems to have so much power; he’s managed to deceive a huge number of people who love wickedness more than God. But Jesus Christ, Lord of this earth, comforts me with His words, “Wherefore, gird up your loins and be prepared. Behold, the kingdom is yours, and the enemy shall not overcome.”
“...treasure up wisdom in your bosoms, lest the wickedness of men reveal these things unto you ... but if ye are prepared ye shall not fear.”
I think “treasure up wisdom” means to increase scripture study and to attend church and obey His commandments, whether or not I’m tired or tempted to do something that’s not uplifting. Preparedness refers to both temporal and spiritual preparedness.
Watching news about terrorist strikes around the world makes me grateful to live where I do. I don’t feel vulnerable to such attacks, although I know that random acts of violence and accidents can happen anywhere.
But, I feel Heavenly Father’s protection and love surround me whenever I start to worry about something. I know that fear, worry, and anger are all emotions that Satan fans into retaliation, paranoia, and murder. I cling to my Savior and I try to stay far away from any place the Holy Ghost won’t operate. Illness, sorrow, and grief are negative burdens that Jesus Christ willingly lifts from me, if I allow Him to do so.
Another blessing comes to mind--I’m still relatively healthy, although I’m reminded that old age is creeping up on me. My body isn’t as strong as it was not so long ago; I can’t work hour after hour without stopping, although sometimes I try to! I am learning to be patient and to listen to internal signals. I’m also learning to hear the whispers of the Spirit that help me distinguish between when I need to relax and when I’m just being lazy!